Today I am grateful to be cancer free. Again.

Photo: In the dressing room

 I undressed and put on a faded blue examination cape.

Then I waited in the locker room, 

waiting to be called back into a dark X-ray room.

Photo: This is the locker room

When I got called back, the tech introduced herself to me, but I cannot remember her name now.

The mammography machine is frightening. 

It is very cold in the room.

Photo: The mammography machine

It took a while to take my x rays. There are markers in my breasts from previous breast cancer surgeries. All markers must be in each x ray. The girl who's name I cannot remember had trouble getting all the markers in each of the x rays. She had to call a manager to help her. 

I stood in front of the machine freezing, in the faded blue cotton cape they make us wear. I was glad when they were finally finished.

I went back to the locker room to dress.

Photo: The dressing room.

The dressing rooms are filled with affirmations.

Words to make a person feel strong and invincible. 

But I did not feel invincible. I felt frightened and stressed.

I dressed in the tiny room and took my faded blue cape to the hamper in the locker room.

The people working at the imaging office are always kind to me.

They know that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer twice before and they say that I am a survivor. I do not feel like a survivor.

When a person is diagnosed with cancer, they are scarred for life.

 When surgery and treatment is over that is called being "cancer free".

Having cancer leaves physical and emotional scars that need to be worked on every day for the rest of your life.

I did not know all this until the past few years.

They told me yesterday that I am cancer free, but I am not allowed to celebrate yet. Next week I have to have my breasts examined by the breast cancer surgeon just to make sure that the mammogram was correct.

I know that sounds terrible,

but please have your screening. It can save your life.

Love you beyond the moon.

Me